Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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