I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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