my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
