I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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