yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it's like heaven, but drunker
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize