And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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