it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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