and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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