dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
