I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
