Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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