fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
