I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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