Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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