It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
