i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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