Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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