before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
