we're blogging at a bar
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
