Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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