Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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