you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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