I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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