do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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