Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
