you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
