you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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