There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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