He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
