one might say we're banned from that church
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
