Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
