i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
