So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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