Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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