nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
