were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
