Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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