And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
