You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
