he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
