I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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