this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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