I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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