Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
