im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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