I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
