Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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