Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
