i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
