You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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