It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
