Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
