I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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