What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
