Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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