Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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