He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
