The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
