Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
