just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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